Saturday, December 11, 2004
PSA #5,678 or… why I hate my alarm clock
I’m not a morning person and this morning stood out as a big fat reminder of why…

I do this thing that my boyfriend playfully refers to as the “snooze button ballet” every morning. The alarm is just far enough out of reach that I have to get out of bed. He says that whatever I’m doing it’s graceful and seemingly one smooth move from bed to button and then back into bed. I do this process 4 or 5 times before I’m functional enough to get moving. The alarm is on the loudest possible setting because I’m half deaf (seriously) and I sleep like a rock so I imagine my neighbors love me.

This morning I trudged through my apartment… half asleep… and not so happy that I had to go to work.

I got in the shower and let the hot water beat against my skin. I lathered up and rinsed and then I finally started scrubbing my head with the orgasm shampoo. It was about that moment that I realized the throbbing noise wasn’t in my head… it was the alarm clock that I hadn’t shut off… shit.

Since I’m pretty sure Dave (at least I think his name is Dave but I can’t be too sure… it sort of sounds like, “Oh Dave, Oh God” so he might be the almighty) won’t appreciate the obnoxious pulsing of my alarm at this ungodly hour I whip the curtain back, stumble out of the shower, almost eat it on the tile floor which caused a moment of arm pinwheeling to keep me upright, and bolted toward the bedroom. I realized halfway there that I still had shampoo in my hair and it was stinging the crap out of my left eye. I managed to turn the alarm off and run back the other way.

Once I was back in the shower I was shivering, my left eye was felt like it was attacked by aliens, and I had goose bumps the size of golf balls… all I could think was “good effing morning sunshine”.
Moral: turn your alarm off before getting in the shower.

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