Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Bad Image
(2 post menopausal women at table behind us in restaurant)

Woman 1: Since my husband ran off and left with his secretary they know me very well at the"shop"

Woman 2: What shop?

Woman 1: You know the ahemmm shop?

Woman 2: What is an ahemmm shop?

Woman 1: You know, the cough cough shop?

Woman 2: Do you have something in your throat?

Woman 1: No, the vada ving shop.

Woman 2: I don't get it.

Me: (Turning around) You know the sex shop, where you get aids to help you with your Christmas jollies?

Woman 1: Thank you young man, she is a little slow.

Me: No problem.

Woman 2: You mean you use aids to help with the orgasm?

Woman 1: Yes, I do. It is a hopping place. I bet this young man and his wife go into one all the time.

Me: No wife, I have issues with committing to a sitcom let alone a wife. Besides I drive myself nuts that poor woman would pull out her hair in a matter of months.

Woman 1: Isn't he charming? So do you? Have you ever been in the shop?

Me: Yes, but it has been a while, for a guy to go in there alone seems strange to me.

Woman 2: Oh my.

My boss: Are you aware that you just had a discussion of sex shops with two women that are over half a century old? Have you lost your mind?

Me: No, but I like to spread my knowledge around and help people and all.

Woman 1: Young man, if they give you too much trouble you can come sit with us.

Me: Thanks for the invite but I am quite content here.

My favorite waitress = C. : (Walking up to the table) Did you just talk to those two about sex shops?

Me: Yes, why is this such a big deal?

C.: Jesse, you are a piece of work.

Me: I have been called a piece of something else too in the past.

C.: Honey, I like you I will call you sweetie ok?

Me: OK.

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