Friday, March 04, 2005
 
Dear God from the Dog
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog?
How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'ChryslerBeagle'?

Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?

Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
1) I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3) I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
4) The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5) The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.
6) The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7) My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8) I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
9) I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on thetoilet.
10) Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".
11) I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
12) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering thehouse.
13) I will not throw up in the car.
14) I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my buttacross the carpet.
15) I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is present.
16) The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes THAT noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S: May I have my testicles back?

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