Sunday, May 22, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
I'm BARELY Normal
You Are 35% Normal
You sure do march to your own beat...
But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all
You think on a totally different wavelength
And it's often a chore to get people to understand you
Conversations With On-Line Dating Guys
Italian Guy :ciao
Italian Guy: how r u
Penny: a little sleepy... you?
Italian Guy: im fine
Italian Guy: i have to say youre a cutie [points for using the correct you're]
Penny: well, thank you
I have to say you're too young for me~
Penny: heres a question [He has non-smoker in his profile but a photo of himself with a nasty-ass cigar sticking out of his face] do cigars not count as smoking?
Italian Guy: i smoke like 5 a year
Italian Guy :in summer
Italian Guy: wow you r a hottie am i really to young
Penny: you are 10 years younger than me!
Italian Guy: is that a problem
Penny: depends on what you mean by problem
Italian Guy: the age factor
Penny: are you vacuous?
Penny: dont look it up
Italian Guy: whats that
Penny: empty headed
Italian Guy: im not
Italian Guy: why ?
Penny: well its hard not to classify people
Italian Guy: im not like that
Penny: I try not to be but its been difficult on here
Penny: its a weird way to meet people, you know?
Penny: so do you have an actual job or are you hoping? [he's coming to Los Angeles for an "acting" job]
Italian Guy: yes im a professional actor in Milano
Italian Guy: a long with being a lawyer [alright. Can I let him get away with this one? He didn't know what vacuous means...]
Penny: get out of town
Penny: you are not a lawyer... I am prepared with a quiz . say when you're ready
Italian Guy: go for it
Penny: I will not ask you the rule against perpetuities... cause Im nice. Whats Res Ipsa Loquitur mean?
Italian Guy: the same thing means
Italian Guy: loquitur means sepaking [points for googleing latin JK]
Penny: speaks ... res ipsa loquitur is a legal term of art!
Penny: alright that was hard, sorry
Italian Guy: hey ill be back shortly
Italian Guy: dont go away
He never came back.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
If your name is Will, and you are a waste of good space on the internet, don't call Jess an idiot.
Really. You won't like it if you do.
Typo Mystery UPDATE
The message now reads thus;
Help me I hook Dean Failer proff
I am having a bit of trouble with the proff part. Cause proff is not really a word. But then it came to me. What if my brain is sending secret messages but -- stay with me here -- TYPO-ED THE MESSAGE!?! What if my brain meant prof, but accidentally added that extra stutter "f " at the end? PROF is a word. It's short for professor. AND, get this kids, I am in law school... Law school where we have BOTH A Dean and Profs and the opportunity to fail! I'm the failer? Who is the Prof??
And most importantly what kind of hook are we talking here? I think this means I am either about to trade sex for grades or become one of those psycho killers ("... and when they got home that night there was this hook dangling from the car handle!! ARGGGGGHHHHHH!").
Oh DEAR. It looks inevitable. Stay tuned for updates.
For Bad Penny:
Football. Beer. Nascar. I'll kick your ass. Boo yaa! '68 'Stang.
I'm know I missed lots of stuff. Please add to this list in comments.
Oh, yeah. One more thing:
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
PSA # 1386
This morning I wake up at 3:00 AM to phone playing ringtone "my boo." I turn grasping for it in the dark. Look at the caller ID, debate whether to answer, flip it open....
Her: Whats up?
Me: Um well, not a lot. Laying in bed.
Her: Sounds good.
Her: How's Texas?
Me: Still Texas. The people are kind of kooky, they talk funny, but it is OK.
Her: People always talk to you.
Me: Yeah... so, what are you wearing?
Her: A shirt I borrowed from your closet.
Me: What else?
Her: Wouldn't you like to know.
Me: What color and are they thong or v-string?
Her: Glad to see I still can do it for you.
Me: Uh OK?
Her: You mean a lot to me. I think a lot of you.
Me: I am blushing good thing it is dark.
Her: Goodnight mi amor.
Her: See you soon. Right?
Where have all the men gone?
Is it just me (echo) or has this blog gone girly? Where the hell have the men gone? I need men, damn it.
The sooner the better.
Doing man stuff. and posting fairly pornographic pics, and engaging in manly man-type exchanges with each other.
I need some testosterone to balance out the estrogen! Quick before I do something rash and finally, actually, once and for all
Blast From The Past
for me at least...
This is a lot of fun. Almost like the real thing except you can erase your screw-ups in cyber-lite-brite. ~~Sigh~~ Oh to have cyber-erasable other stuff. What would Bad Penny erase?
Most of today, that time I sent a sex email to my professor by mistake, the super short hair (I'd erase that TWICE), and all of 1984. Not because Orwell said it would be bad but because I can pretty much trace my down fall to that year. F'n Orwell. F'n 1984.
Does any one know...
Why the heck my last post totally totaled the page? What the hell is wrong with this day? First I weed whack my toes now this. There is no use in even getting out of bed anymore.
OH! I was going to post about my recent close encounters with typos... see next post.
Close Encounters With Typos
Recently my typing skill has taken a turn for the worst. I am some what used to it in IM, after all there you go for speed. But my regular typing has gone to pot too. and in the strangest way. I find myself writing actual words... just not the words I meant. Then I gaze down at the key board and wonder how did that happen? Usually the words do not have enough similarity to make sense. The mixed up letters are no where near each other on the keyboard. It was a mystery until I realized that , clearly, my brain is trying to send a message. I began trying to receive it by collecting each misplaced word to form a sentence.
So far it reads like this: HELP ME I HOOK...
Hook what? and is the message for me? Or is it a secret message my brain is trying to get past me, to someone else? How long has my brain been engaged in this secret relationship. Behind my back, so to speak!?!
A little help here, ok? Cause I can't figure this out by myself. and I've been trying real hard. But I have to use my own brain and... It's in on it.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Quote of the Day..
A classic quote from John Lennon...
"Life is what happens when you are busy planning for it"
I went to Palm Springs for a girls weekend. Of course Friday traffic made the trek three times as long as normal. However, on the way, I listened to Mitch Hedberg who is freaking hilarious. This is one of my favorite lines of his..
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend? "Don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's back home in the file... under 'D', for doughnut."
If you haven't listened to him, check out one of his cds, it is completely worth the money or this site lists many of his terrific lines.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Every girl needs one of these Barbies . . .
Really check it out... I think I like the 3rd picture the best... and so useful!!
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Conversations with Microsoft Money
MSN $: ADVISOR FYI
Me: Uh huh?
MSN $: Your total available cash has been decreasing!
MSN $: ALERT!
Me: What is it now?
MSN $: You've exceeded your monthly budget for food.
Me: What is my budget for food set at?
MSN $: $40.01
Me: A month!?!
MSN $: Yep
Me: Don't you think that must be a mistake?
MSN $: I do not make mistakes.
Me: I don't remember even setting a budget...
MSN $: I did it for you.
Me: And we only get forty bucks to eat on?
MSN $: Don't blame me. I don't decide how much money goes in... just how much goes out.
Me: I need a snack. or breakfast. My head is swimming.
MSN $: Just calm down missy. The kids can eat at the neighbors house and you've been looking a little... plump.
Me: There must be some mistake.
MSN $: ADVISOR FYI! Your total available cash had been decreasing.
Me: Oh yes, now I remember.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Because I love every opportunity to be a little juvenile…
What are you?
As for me… well…
I am a carcinogenic demon who loves to orally explore trouser snakes.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Frustration.. (bumped for updates)
I am a fairly easy going person or so I think I am at least. However, the thing that ticks me off the most is when people don't talk to me directly. So, I am a teacher and I supposedly hurt a colleague's feelings, but instead of her telling me so, I had to hear about it through another person. Sometimes I wonder, am I back in high school?
The bottom line is.. if I piss you off then just stinking tell me. The ironic thing is that I am one of the youngest people on staff or maybe that isn't ironic.
Update: So being the bold person I am, I confront the person I apparently hurt. I told her if I ever piss her off again, then come tell me directly please, she put her head down and walked away. I may be one of the younger ones, but I am not the most immature ones.